I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
