things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i believe in u and ur pee
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