Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
