Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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