I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
