i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
