He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
