Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
