You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
