SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
