remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
