Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
