Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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