Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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