I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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