apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
