Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
