I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
