I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
