she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
