Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
