Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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