Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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