I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
