I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
