Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
