he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I enjoy the company of your penis
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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