Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
