Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
