But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
