she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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