Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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