and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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