Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
