He kissed a someone with a penis
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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