Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
