Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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