I should be sponsored by Trojan
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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