I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im holly from the hills drunk
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
