he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
nutella sex= disaster
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
