its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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