yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
