You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
