peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
