did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
