My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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