8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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