Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
