beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
