I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
