isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this will be a night to untag.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
