Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
